losing ourselves in thanksgiving

When I complain, I'm so big, my problems are so insurmountable, my weaknesses irremovable.

When I look up at my Father's hands, I become a small child with open hands, joyful heart, my problems are not to be fretted for because He knows all and gives all I need, gives all that is good for me. My weaknesses don't matter because I know He is strong.

Things I'm thankful for.

.salvation. I am nothing without Christ, He is all my righteousness, all my joy, and all my peace

.the incarnation-that God of the world, the creator came into this messy world, took on flesh and is able to redeem us and able to understand and comfort us

.the body of Christ, in Omaha, Cement City, Hillsdale, Lancaster, Louisville, Cleveland, all over the world. Along with this, the sweet fellowship that bonds us all together whether we've known eachother one minute or 6 years or never met.

.my wonderful, big, crazy family and my dear amazing mother who loves me

.my sweet job, and my wonderful coworkers-we have an incredible team-I love working with people who care about what they do

.tea, and coffee :)

.dear new friends, and deep sweet steadfast friends from over the years.

.heat in our home, clothes to wear, and food on the thanksgiving table

These are all gifts of love from my Father's hands, blood bought gifts.

In the dance of death unto life

Today I am taking a moment to breath in and enjoy God's beauty in creation and creativity. It's something I honestly don't do enough. Sitting on the porch of our sweet house, I catch myself in rapt attention to the shedding, burning golden tree across the street as I read Little Gidding by T.S. Eliot. I don't pretend to fully understand Eliot and I know he takes multiple rereadings but I just love his insight and his way with words even though they slip, crack and break to him. His grasping and straining for the right words to aptly describe life is beautiful. This passage caught me.

" the conscious impotence of rage

At human folly, and the laceration

Of laughter at what ceases to amuse.

And last, the rending pain of re-enactment

Of all that you have done, and been; the shame

Of motives late revealed, and the awareness

Of things ill done and done to other's harm

Which once you took for exercise of virtue.

Then fools' approval stings, and honour stains.

From wrong to wrong the exasperated spirit

Proceeds, unless restored by that refining fire

Where you must move in measure, like a dancer."

Perhaps it caught me because what Eliot is saying resonates with what I recently have been reading in Proverbs about the deception of our own hearts...

"The purpose in a man's heart is like deep water,

but a man of understanding will draw it out.

Many a man proclaims his own steadfast love,

but a faithful man who can find?"-Proverbs 20

Perhaps it is because what Eliot is saying resonates with what I see in myself. I know far too many things have I done and still am tempted to do for "virtuous" reasons which are selfish, rash and ignorant.

But I love the hope in Proverbs, in Eliot, in the gospel.

I want to learn from them and be holy. I want to remember that the refining fire is able. Able to delve into our deepest parts, reveal and scourge those ugly half-hearted motives and bring to life dead, unable, foolish hearts.

For those He kills, He makes alive.

In my end is my beginning.

I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

Rain, Rain don't go away, the sun can come back another day

I love rainy days...

Today, I'm curled up on the couch with the Heidelberg Catechism and a grande Mocha....:)

There's something beautiful and reflective about rainy days...something refreshing but also something strangely calming after a long summer of heavy heat and humidity. At least it seems that way to me. :) I'm reminded of one of my favorite quotes from That Hideous Strength

“'That’s why Camilla and I got married,’ said Denniston as they drove off. ‘We both like Weather. Not this or that kind of weather, but just Weather. It’s a useful taste if one lives in England.’

‘How ever did you learn to do that, Mr. Denniston?’ said Jane. ‘I don’t think I should ever learn to like rain and snow.’

‘It’s the other way around,’ said Denniston. ‘Everyone begins as a child by liking Weather. You learn the art of disliking it as you grow up. Haven’t you ever noticed it on a snowy day? The grown-ups are all going about with long faces, but look at the children – and the dogs? They know what snow’s made for.’

‘I’m sure I hated wet days as a child,’ said Jane.

‘That’s because the grown-ups kept you in,’ said Camilla. ‘Any child loves rain if it’s allowed to go out and paddle about in it.’”

....

anyhow, I'm enjoying this rainy day by curling up and enjoying the Heidelberg Catechism, circa 1576.

I was drawn into reading the Heidelberg Catechism when I visited a church this past weekend and in the service we read the first question and answer of the Catechism. For those who don't know, as I didn't until a few years ago, a catechism is a series of questions and answers meant to be a teaching tool for understanding our faith. It was the original "Frequently Asked Questions" reference and is filled with references to scripture for it's answers. It's beautiful and I can't wait to read more

"Q: What is your only comfort in life and in death?

A: That I am not my own,

but belong-

body and soul,

in life and in death-

to my faithful Savior Jesus Christ

He has fully paid for all my sins with his precious blood,

and has set me free from the tyranny of the devil.

He also watches over me in such a way

that not a hair can fall from my head

without the will of my Father in heaven:

in fact, all things must work together for my salvation.

Because I belong to him,

Christ, by his Holy Spirit,

assures me of eternal life

and makes me wholeheartedly willing and ready

from now on to live for him."

A new favorite

The past two Sundays, we've sung this hymn in church. It's powerful, beautiful and really penetrates and makes you think. I love it.

1. Jesus, I my cross have taken,
All to leave and follow Thee;
Destitute, despised, forsaken,
Thou from hence my All shalt be.
Perish every fond ambition,
All I've sought or hoped or known;
Yet how rich is my condition!
God and heaven are still my own.

2. Let the world despise and leave me,
They have left my Savior, too.
Human hearts and looks deceive me;
Thou art not, like them, untrue.
And while Thou shalt smile upon me,
God of wisdom, love, and might,
Foes may hate and friends may shun me;
Show Thy face, and all is bright.

3. Go, then, earthly fame and treasure!
Come, disaster, scorn, and pain!
In Thy service, pain is pleasure;
With Thy favor, loss is gain.
I have called Thee Abba, Father!
I have stayed my heart on Thee.
Storms may howl, and clouds may gather,
All must work for good to me.

4. Man may trouble and distress me,
'Twill but drive me to Thy breast;
Life with trials hard may press me,
Heaven will bring me sweeter rest.
Oh, 'tis not in grief to harm me
While Thy love is left to me;
Oh, 'twere not in joy to charm me
Were that joy unmixed with Thee.

5. Take, my soul, thy full salvation;
Rise o'er sin and fear and care;
Joy to find in every station,
Something still to do or bear.
Think what Spirit dwells within thee,
What a Father's smile is thine,
What a Savior died to win thee;
Child of heaven, shouldst thou repine?

6. Haste, then, on from grace to glory,
Armed by faith and winged by prayer;
Heaven's eternal day's before thee,
God's own hand shall guide thee there.
Soon shall close the earthly mission,
Swift shall pass thy pilgrim days,
Hope soon change to glad fruition,
Faith to sight, and prayer to praise.

Resting in the grace and glory of God

"For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age, waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for himself a people for his own possession who are zealous for good works"-Titus2:11-14a

These next few weeks are busy, boggling and daunting.

But let my heart always rest in my God and Savior,

may my knees be quick to fall in prayer,

may my speech be with grace seasoned with salt,

may the beauty of my Lord be seen in me,

may his word fill my heart,

may his truth quiet my spirit,

may his wisdom guide my path,

may my eyes never stray from my Savior, the author and perfecter of my faith,

may my mind never wander from the gospel but be transformed by it ever more,

may my life be a living, fragrant, lovely sacrifice, pleasing to my God,

may I be His workmanship.

Til the stars grow cold

Dear heavenly Father,

could I enjoy your goodness till the stars grow cold?

my father gently replies, after...

of Valentine's day

here's why it's perhaps my favorite holiday...

because I need every reminder I can get

of God's love

and to love His people

See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are.~1 John 3:1a

By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers. But if anyone has the world's goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God's love abide in him? Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.

~1 John 3:16-18

Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us.
~1 John 4:7-12

There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. We love because he first loved us. If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. Andthis commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother.

~1 John 4:18-21

A Soul-Refreshing Contemplation

Owen has a short catechism, or question and answer, on the worship of God. Here are a few words he says on delight.

"Now, this delight in the worship of God, so much commended in the Scripture, and proposed unto our example, consists not in any carnal, self-pleasing, or satisfaction in the outward modes or manner of the performance of divine worship; but it is a holy, soul-refreshing contemplation on the will, wisdom, grace, and condescension of God, in that he is pleased, of his own sovereign mere will and grace, so to manifest himself unto such poor sinful creatures as we are, so to condescend unto our weakness, so to communicate himself unto us, so to excite and draw forth our souls unto himself, and to give us such pledges of his gracious intercourse with us by Jesus Christ. By the contemplation of these things is the soul drawn forth to delight in God."-Owen Vol15 p.458